Fostering as Plan A
Written by Becky | 3rd May 2025
In 2019, at the ODEON in the BH2, me and my husband Adam laughed and cried our way through the film Instant Family, then went to Pizza Express and had a conversation that changed our lives forever.
We were profoundly challenged and inspired by the couple in the movie who adopted 3 siblings. Through mouthfuls of Romana pizza and white wine, we discussed the wild possibility of doing the same. We discovered our desire to foster or adopt, and genuinely shocked each other by admitting we were significantly more excited about the thought of giving a home, love, and our lives to children already born, compared to trying for a birth child and doing the same for them.
We wanted fostering or adoption to be our plan A. Our hearts broke for the children being bounced around short-term placements and children’s homes, precious youngsters desperate for a stable loving family.
We felt stirred by the Holy Spirit and knew our passion aligned with scripture. God’s heart for the marginalised is unquestionable and his call to care for the orphans is unambiguous.
We soon signed up for an adoption open day but came away surprisingly unenthused. There we learnt the devastating rate of adoption breakdown and that only under 2s tend to be placed for adoption. This helped distil our passion for the older ones, the ones losing hope for a forever family, and the sibling groups who are harder to place.
18 months after first watching Instant Family and that pivotal conversation in Pizza Express, we celebrated becoming approved foster carers with BCP council! We prepared for girls and siblings - one bedroom with bunkbeds, a dolls house and barbies, and a boy’s room. We were ready!
To begin with, we took two respite placements giving other foster carers a short break and providing us the chance to dip our toes into the world of caring for children. Our social worker then asked us whether we’d do an emergency placement for a 10-year-old boy. I sobbed whilst she outlined his story, desperately wanting to help but knowing we were way too inexperienced for that level of trauma and behavioural issues. We said no, then rang back a few days later offering to have him over half term, to help in some small way.
The 10-year-old turned up the next day (yep things happen fast in fostering!) and this was another day that changed our lives forever. After just a few hours, I remember looking at Adam and the boy putting up a rope swing in the New Forest, and thinking “if we’d had a son, this would be him”. Like Mary, I treasured this in my heart and journalled that evening. Loving the meaning of names, I looked up his. When I read it means “behold a son”, it was like the Lord was saying, “behold your son”. With teary eyes I tentatively whispered to Adam, “it feels like we met our son today.” He nodded, revealing his heart had uncovered the same holy, monumental truth.
This was so far from what we expected to happen! We’d prepared our hearts and home for something different, namely a sibling group with at least one girl. But we trusted God’s unfolding plan and were delighted to become (inexperienced but enthused) parents. A year later, we got the divinely orchestrated privilege of welcoming into our family, another boy who was just 5 months away from turning 18, leaving the care system and going it alone. God was fulfilling our dream to love those for whom it is almost too late.
So now we have two boys whose lives are irrevocably intertwined with ours.
Many professionals looked at the facts and vocalised their scepticism that these dynamics would be remotely tenable. But we followed God’s nudges, knowing his ways are not our ways, they are so much better. The astounding degree to which our boys are thriving has blown people away – some even say it’s a miracle. We would agree. Our story is infused with the limitless love, wisdom, and transformative power of God. He has done more (and differently) to what we asked or imagined but we’re so glad we followed his plan, rather than force our own.
It only takes a moment of divine revelation to uncover calling. You may know yours already or find it in scripture, a single encounter or conversation that sets your heart on fire. Don’t underestimate the power of a moment to change not only your life but the course of history for others. Let it pivot your life. Pursue the passion God has awakened in you and lay down your life for a kingdom cause. This is what it means to seek first the kingdom, and we can confirm, all else will be provided out of the limitless riches of God’s grace.
In the words of the martyred missionary Jim Elliot, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose."
LET’S DO THIS
It’s easy to read stories like this and think, “Wow, I could never do that.” But what if God is inviting you to believe that with Him you can do limitless things? Don’t assume this could never be you.
Take a moment now and ask Holy Spirit to awaken something within you, to stir your spirit, and remind you that God’s plans for you, and what He can do through you, are truly limitless.